We begin with my maternal great-great-great grandfather, Dayalji Madhavji Shah. He had more than two children,
but we are concerned with the two whose families have survived, Hirachand and Zaverchand. Hirachand had a son
Ratanchand who also had a son, Chimanlal, who incidentally married my father’s sister (Champa Bhen). Zaverchand’s son is
Nathjibhai, my great-grandfather, who had four sons:
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✴Hemanchand
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✴Vadilal
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✴Chunilal
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✴Panachand
Hemanchand and Vadilal shared a house while the other two each had their own houses. All three houses were on
Dalalvada, the same street that my parents and grandparents on my father’s side had their houses. Hemanchand’s son was
Jesinglal whom I knew in my school days as he shared the house with his cousin (Lila’s father). He had one surviving
daughter, but I do not know much about her as she did not keep close relations with her family.
Vadilal and his wife Samaratbhen had two sons, Nagindas and Jayantilal, and also a daughter. Nagindas was my mom’s
father (my maternal grandfather) and was married to Champa, my grandmother. We do not know much about the daughter
(Lila’s foi) who passed away when she was young, but we do know her sons (Kikabhai and Kasturbhai) and daughter as
they kept good relations with Lila.
Chunilal’s descendants were also known to us but we don’t have much relation. Panachand had one son,
Punamchand, and one daughter, Chandan. Chandanbhen’s son and daughters we know very well, Kirti, Hansa and Devi. Thus,
Chandanbhen is my mom’s foi.
Vadi Dada had passed away when Jayantilal was very young, but his wife Samaratbhen (my great-grandmother) lived
until I was about eight years old (approx. 1944). Nagin Dada had a job in Mumbai (most likely in textiles) so all five lived
together in Mumbai. We suspect that Lila was actually born in Mumbai. Nagin Dada passed away when Lila was only about 9
or 10 years of age. As per the old system, women did not work outside the house. Hence life was very hard for the two
widows (Samarat Ba and Champa Ba), so with the two young kids, Lila and Jayanti Kaka (who was only a few years older
than Lila), they moved back to Kapadvanj.
Once when Champa Ba was at the Upashrya, I was sent to convey a message to her from my mom. While I was talking
to Champa Ba, an elderly man passed by, she addressed him and said, "How are you, Kaka?" I was surprised to learn that
she had a kaka. Especially this man, as I knew his reputation as a crook. Later I asked my mom about this Kaka. She was
reluctant to talk about it, but she finally told me that he was indeed grandma's cousin’s kaka, the younger brother of the
man who had tried to kill her. My mother had heard the story from either her mom or grandma and was not sure of the exact
details or she may just have not been comfortable talking about this sad incident. Nonetheless, this is the story that I heard
from my mom.
Champa Ba had a very difficult life. Her father Mathurdas had passed away when she was about one year old. Her
mother then died when she was about 3 or 4. She was left in the care of her father’s brothers and cousins, though neither
wanted to take care of her. One day they announced that she was missing. Her Masi was well aware that these people
where dishonest and were not to be trusted. Thus, she was rightfully suspicious when she heard this news and went with her
friends and relatives to their house and started to quarrel with them. She accused them of wrong doing and finally they
conceded that she might be hiding in the house somewhere. Finally, it was announced that she had been found, that
somehow this little girl had fallen into a majus. A majus is heavy wooden box approximately six feet long, four feet wide and
about four feet high that has many compartments for storage of different dry goods (herbs, spices and sweets). A majus
also has few hidden drawers for putting jewelry and other valuables. The main door to this box is opened from the top.
Obviously, a little girl would not be able to “fall” into this. In any event, she managed to survive many hours in the majus. Her
masi demanded custody of the little girl and told them they could keep the money and the rest of her inheritance and walked
out with just the clothes on her back.
Champa Ba’s masi had one son, Vadibhai, and three daughters, Motibhen, Dhirajbhen and Champabhen. With the
addition of my grandmother to the household, there were now two Champa’s in the family, so my grandma was called
Bhanichampa (niece-Champa). Dhirajbhen and Champabhen’s kids would call her Bhani Masi. Vadibhai had one daughter,
Sunderbhen, and three sons. Motibhen was married to Vadilal Nahalchand Doshi (Nagin Dada’s neighbor). Motibhen
passed away at a young age leaving three sons, Ramanlal, Jayantilal, Sevanti, and one daughter, Sushila. Champa Ba
helped the young ones and they were very close to her and Lila. Sushila would later take Diksha. Jayantilal considered
himself to be Lila’s brother and insisted that he play the role of Mama during my wedding. Jayanti Mama’s granddaughter,
Sejal, is now married to Rohit Kaka’s son, Vatsal. Dhirajbhen had four sons and three daughters both of the Champabhens
had only one daughter each, Lila and Kanta. All of these second generation cousins kept very close relations with Lila. My
mom was closest to Sunderbhen and Champabhen’s daughter Kantabhen (Kamubhen). As luck would have it, when these
three women would marry, they married three men that were all friends as well. Kamubhen and her husband Ratilal Parekh
had three daughters and two sons, Pankaj and Abhay (who lives in Maryland) along with Pankaj’s wife, Nanda. As relations
in our family can be multi-faceted, one of Dhirajbhen’s granddaughters (her daughter’s daughter) is Nayana Kaki (Rohit
Kaka’s wife). Another one of her grandsons (her son’s son), Indravadan, is married to Kika Kaka’s daughter, Nayana.
My grandfather, Nagin Dada, was very sick and worried about what would happen to his daughter after he died so he
hoped to get her engaged while he was still alive. Nagin Dada went to Girdhar Dada and asked if Lila could be engaged to
his son. After several years of engagement, Lila was married to my father, Nagindas (who was about 21), when she was only
about 15 years old. I was born when she was eighteen. Lila was very friendly, deeply religious, hard working and had a very
mild temper. This made her very popular among relatives on both sides of the family. This was profoundly illustrated to me
in 1966 when she passed away and a bus load of people from Godhra and Vejalpur came to Kapadvanj just to attend her
wake. This of course was also partially due to Girdhar Dada’s reputation in those Jain communities.
As I understand it, Lila was also among the first people in the family to welcome Nanda and Shushila Babhi (a Vaishnav
and a Brahmin) who otherwise would not have found such a warm welcome. This left quite an impact on them both. Having
been born and raised in an orthodox Jain family, both Champaba and Lila honestly believed in many Jain legends and
mythologies and their adherence to the five vratas made them simple, honest and compassionate people. I would tease my
mom that there were actually twenty-seven thirthankars; Erhay, Aish and Oh bhagvan. Both were seriously concerned
about my non-religious (increasingly so as I grew older) nature. They worried quite seriously that I would be sent to hell
upon my death. They were also very steadfast in their giving of food to monks and would not do breakfast until after having
gone to temple and inviting the Maharaj for labh. This was easy for us to manage until my father lost his business. As our
financial conditions worsened, this labh become a real burden. In my view, there were many other families well off enough for
the monks to get their necessities from and that we should not have to stretch ourselves. This attitude pained them both
and they would sometimes go partially hungry themselves in order to feed the monks.
Traditionally in Indian society, stemming from the Brahmin and Aryan customs, women did the cooking at home.
Brahmins would also not eat food cooked by non-Brahmins; hence all public cooking (weddings, festivals, etc.) was done by
Brahmins. Additionally, as women were not allowed to work outside the home, it was male Brahmins (traditionally called
Maharaj) that did this type of cooking. However, Brahmin males would never cook in the home, it would be considered
below their station. Another custom was that during menstruation, women would eat, sleep and essentially live during that
time away from the other members of her household, as she was considered dirty. If there were only one woman in the
house, she would often need to depend on a relative or neighbor during this time. With six children, during her menses or if
she was ill or fasting, my mom was dependent on outside help. While we had a maid who cleaned the house, washed the
utensils and did the wash, she was not allowed in the kitchen, as she was a Sudra. So the one thing that she did not have
help with was the cooking. Luckily in our home we had Champa Ba, but her eyesight was not so good. I would see this
problem in our house and so I decided help however I could. I learned the basic theory of Gujarati cooking from my mom and
grandma. I didn’t actually do much cooking, but I assisted them per their instruction. I assisted my mom when Champa Ba
was sick, fasting or staying at the Upashrya. When Lila was sick or menstruating I helped my grandmother. I didn’t bother
with what other people thought about it as I did many other things that Orthodox Jains did not like, but I considered it their
problem. As it happened, this learning in the kitchen helped me out a great deal later in life when my job took me to distant
places where I was forced to cook for myself.
Lila was very close with her Jayanti kaka. Even though he was Nagin Dada’s younger brother, he was only a few
years older than Lila. They grew up together and he was more like a brother than an uncle. He too had a very hard life in his
younger years but with hard work he came up and raised three boys and two girls, all of whom did well. Socially, however, he
was somewhat isolated as his wife had a difficult temperament and was not friendly and some what rude. Kaka did many odd
jobs in his younger years and luckily found a job in a small outpatient hospital where he was a clerk cum assistant to the
physician. He slowly learned the trade and by practice and study became a paramedic. His big opportunity came in early
1950/51. Villages in India at that time had hardly any medical facilities and people had to travel many miles for treatment. The
government started a scheme to help establish small dispensaries in villages. These dispensaries would be attended daily by
paramedics and a doctor would visit once or twice a week. These paramedics were given special training in western as well as
traditional Ayurvedic disciplines and were given a decent salary and incentive money to run the dispensary. Jayanti Kaka
was recommended for this program, trained and then settled in Shamalaji (a small pilgrim place for Vaishanavs at the border
of Gujarat and Rajasthan). Shamalaji is about 75 miles north of Kapadvanj and is situated on the national highway
connecting Mumbai with Delhi via Ahmedabad and Udaipur. He ran the dispensary until his retirement and now lives with his
youngest son in Mumbai.
My father was very different. To me, his lifestyle was full of contradiction. On the one side he was very religious;
every morning he would get up at about 5.30 am, take a bath and go to the derasar for puja and reciting religious prayers.
His favorite temple was Ajitnath temple on our street (Dalalvada). This daily ritual would take about an hour and a half.
Afterward, he would come home, brush his teeth, have breakfast and then go to work. When any group of monks were in
town (which was most of the year), he would also spend about one hour listening their vyakhyan (sermons). When we were
young, we had to join him in these morning rituals before going to school.
Once he was in his shop, he was quite different. Like many of his colleagues he lied and cheated in his business dealings and
hid parts of his income to avoid taxes. He also had blind faith in astrology, palmistry and believed in good and bad omens. In
social attitudes he had adopted the Vedic or Aryan belief of upper and lower castes and the lower position of women. As we have
discussed, none of this is acceptable behaviour in Jainism. Earlier in his life he had joined his father’s business in the management
of farms and grains in Anghadi (a village about 25 miles away on the way to Gothra). My understanding is because of his dishonest
behavior many farmers and share croppers were unhappy and complained to his father. Girdhar Dada was very honest and
straight forward in his business dealings and ultimately asked him to leave the family business. When my father separated he
started his own business in Kapadvanj and for many years he ran a profitable business.
In his family life he treated his wife more like he was the boss and master. Champa Ba stayed mostly with us during the
day and would go to her place at night to sleep. She would help Lila in the kitchen and was also a great help in raising six
children. Despite this, my father still did not like her because of his belief that widows are bad omens and he would avoid
her (particularly when he was going to the shop or on a business trip). I had some words with him about this and told him he
was to respect her as his mother. I was particularly upset by his behavior when I was working in Bihar and got a post card
from him informing me about Champa Ba’s passing. Instead of writing this news in some respectful manner, he wrote in
Gujarati, “Dosi Gujrigaya”, which means crassly, “the old lady died”.