My father got the apartment in Borivali on what was called a “live-in license” system, a system that was in contrast to the old “Paghadi” system.  The Paghadi system was a peculiar system developed in Bombay that is still in use today.  In this system, the renter pays a pre-established amount of money to the landlord as a “deposit” (though this money would not be returned upon vacating the apartment) and then pays a low monthly rent.  There was a rent control law that didn’t allow landlords to raise the rent.  Thus ten and fifteen years later, rents would not even cover the maintenance on the apartment for the landlord.  Apartment buildings would get rundown and if a tenant lived for more than a year in an apartment, the landlord could not force them to vacate.  When a tenant would willingly vacate an apartment, the new renter would pay more money in deposit (Paghadi) for the same space and both the landlord and the vacating tenant would then share this money.  The landlord would be willing to do this as they would get money from the Paghadi and also be able to charge an increase in monthly rent.  Often times landlords would offer their tenants large sums of money to vacate so they could use the property for other reasons, either renting it at a higher rate or even demolishing the building a build a bigger place. 

            The Paghadi system required that one had a lot of money upfront.  In the new system called “live-in license”, upfront money was not required but the tenant would have the right to inhabit the apartment for eleven months only (less than the year that would ensure them more rights) and they could renew their license every eleven months.  The landlord would of course be allowed to increase the rent with each of these renewals.   

            When the family first shifted to Borivali, my father didn’t want Champa Ba with them, so she went back to Kapadvanj and was on her own in her house without much company.  Jyanti Kaka was working at Shamlaji so there was no one in the 

supervision of the county hospital.)  After she recovered, she returned to Kapadvanj.  Upon my first visit to Borivali prior to the Bihar assignment I learned that Champa Ba was there too.  No one had told me she was there.  I don’t know how this shift occurred, my only guess is that she must have fallen ill and my mom insisted she come there so that she could take after her.

            As I mentioned, the apartment was one small room (18’x12’) plus a small kitchen area with a door (9’x9’) and a small bathroom.  We were lucky because as this was a newer construction building, we had a private bathroom.  The main room had one single bed given to us by Manu Kaka and a cupboard.  Champa Ba slept on the bed and the all of the kids slept on gadhis on the floor. Each day and night they would have to stack and unstuck the gadhis from on top of the bed.  Kaka, Lila and the girls had their items in the cupboard and Champa Ba and the boys each had a suitcase under the bed for their belongings. 

            There was no water supply in these outlying suburbs at this time.  Borivali was the last suburb within the municipal limits and while sewer and sanitation services had come this far, the piped water supply was not there.  Our building bordered the Dahisar River, which was the borderline between Bombay City and the village of Dahisar.   We had to pay people to bring water from a well to the apartment that would then be filled in a large drum kept in the corner inside the main room.  These people would arrive early in the morning seven days a week, so everyone would have to be up and the gadhis put away before they arrived, as the whole floor of the apartment would get wet from the water delivery.  The kitchen had a cot we had where my father and mother would sleep.  The pantry was under their bed.

            One and one half years into living in Borivali, life had become drudgery for Lila.  In Kapadvanj she had some help.  Now even Champa Ba had passed away, and she had hardly any help. The apartment was about one and one half miles from Borivali station and with Borivali being at the end of the city, everyone in the house had a long commuting time.  Kaka was working in a plant office as an accountant for a manufacturing company called Jayant Metal.  Chandrakant was running a dispensary, Mahendra was working for a Charter Accountant and Jyostna and Anju were in college.  Dinesh upon his return from Bihar was the only one left in the house with Lila adding to her mental stress.  Money came in from Kaka and Chandrakant working.  Mahendra was working but as per the custom of his field, the first few years were spent as an apprentice without pay.  Luckily, college fees for Jyostna and Anju were small and not a problem for our family.

            Every one got up early, got ready, had breakfast or early lunch and left for the day only to return late in the evening.  Lila was left alone in the house to do the chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.  Chores were a typical Gujarati family routine; which includes buying, cleaning and preparing grains and legumes and preparing all spices.  In those days when you wanted flour, you had to buy the raw wheat, clean it and then take it to a flourmill for grinding it.  All this took quite a few hours everyday and she hardly got any rest.  Fortunately she had a couple of good neighbors with whom she could talk and socialize some.  We had many friends and relations in Bombay, but visits by friends or relatives from the city meant socializing for everybody except for her, for her it only meant extra work.  When people would visit, they would have traveled up to two hours each way when you add it travel time to the train station, the train ride itself and walking from the train to our house.  People would expect lunch or dinner depending upon what time they came and it was not the custom to expect help from visitors.

            Upon arrival to the Borivali apartment (almost two and one half years since my last visit home), I saw that they still did not have the gas stove I had put the deposit on.  I asked my mother and she said that my father had spent the money elsewhere.  I confronted my father and he said the money was just gone.  I was very much mad at my father.  This was for my mom’s health.  Instead of the coal and smoke breathing in the apartment they could have had a nice clean gas stove. We had missed our chance and I had to apply for the stove again.  This time it was much easier to get the stoves, only one month wait reduced from the three to four months of years back, so I purchased it myself.  I also purchased some other kitchen items from my savings so Mother’s life would be a little easier.  She looked very unhappy and was under lots of stress.  She said to me that I should live with them (really she meant with her) and get married and settle in Bombay with them. Surprisingly she said she would not mind if the girl I married was not Jain.  This was a big surprise for me because she was so religious.  I think maybe she didn’t mind because Ramesh Bhai had married a Brahmin and her cousin’s son (Pankaj) had married a Vaishnu (Nanda). Also, I think somehow she had felt that I was not a vegetarian anymore and that from my childhood I was never a religious person anyway.  The other factor may have been that she just wanted me to be married and settle down.  

            I decided to stay in Bombay for my mother’s sake although I did not like the conditions of the apartment. I began multiple activities with that aim of establishing my life in Bombay.  First, with Chandrakant’s help, I took Dinesh to doctors and a psychiatrist and upon their advice he was given electric shock treatment.  He didn’t like it and did not want to continue but did it because I told him that this was something he needed to do because of his condition.  He trusted in me and knew that I only had his best interests in mind.  But nothing helped.  I also tried to cheer up mom and even had a small party for her birthday.  I also had some interviews with girls through relatives and through matrimonial ads we read in the paper.  (Dating as understood in the USA did not exist at that time.)  But I told mom that I had to have a job before I got married.  So, I started looking for job in the city.

            I did get some job responses but the prospective employers looking at my experience of course wanted to send me to their construction sites, not keep me in an office.  One prospect was for a job in Goa and another in Vizagpatnam in Andhra Pradesh.  I rejected both because it would mean leaving Bombay and I had promised my mom I would stay.  I latter regretted passing on these jobs as I realized too late that the Indian economy was going into recession and not many jobs would be available.  Some of the fresh graduates and those with little experience would accept any job at low salaries (300 to 400 rupees per month) and thus people with experience like me demanding close to 1000 rupees per month were not as in demand.  As a result of limited job opportunities, many scientists and engineers were trying to leave India and go to Europe and even more preferably to the US.  Many who had gone overseas for higher studies were trying to settle there and avoiding returning to India. They were trying to convert their student visa into an immigration visa with help from prospective employers.  I realized that I had to consider this as one of my options and started looking into an immigration visa.  I kept my inquiries a secret since my Mom would not like it at all.  I knew one of my co-workers at the Bihar job had applied for immigration and he told me that it was a ten-year waiting list.

            Some of my classmates had started their own consulting or construction businesses so I looked into starting my own as well.  The advice I got was it would be fine in the long run, but for the first two or three years it would be a struggle and I would have to live from my savings or other income.  Because of my family situation, this was not an option for me.  I got an interview with a company in Ahmedabad but they too asked me to go to their construction site in a remote corner of Southeastern Gujarat.  So once again I had to pass.  While I was interviewing in Ahmedabad, I took advantage of my time there and I visited some old friends as well as my cousin Aruna (Shanta Foi’s daughter, elder sister of Hema Kaka ) and her husband Rajendra Doshi.

            In October 1966 mother got sick with fever and dizziness.  Chandrakant and I were getting ready to eat dinner and we noticed that she was lying down and that was not like her. We knew something had to be wrong.  We called the local doctor to our home and he immediately told us to hospitalize her.  She was admitted into J.J. Hospital and was diagnosed as having internal hemorrhage in the brain and that an operation was the only hope.  The operation was done within two days of her falling ill.  As Chandrakant and Kokila (who was living and practicing medicine in Bombay at the time) were doctors they were allowed inside the operating theater.  When they came out of operation room it was clear from their face that it did not work.  For five or six days after the operation she never regained consciousness.  During those few days, lots of people from the Jain community and from Kapadvanj came to see her.  As was the prevailing custom, it was held that one must go to see others on sad occasions.  The saying was, if you cannot attend a good occasion, that was okay, but you must go to offer consolation on a bad occasion. Lila passed away on November 11 during the Diwali holidays, just two days before Diwali.  It was a great loss; she did not survive the difficult times to once again see the happy days.  In a way I think it was okay.  Her life had become miserable and she was relieved from her suffering.

            By now I was out of work for five months and desperate to get any job. Without my mother, I no longer felt I had to live in Bombay anymore and tried to get a job anywhere.  It would be another four months before I got any positive response and meanwhile I seriously tried to go to the U.S. as I read in technical journals there was big shortage of engineers in the States. In one of my visit to USIS (United States Information Services) I read about Lyndon Johnson’s signing of new immigration bill that would enable more people from India and other non-European countries to immigrate to the USA.  I got an immigration application and filed it but was told there is about a two to three year waiting period.  However, I learned that if I got a student visa and applied for immigration after coming to the U.S. it would be easier and faster. So back to USIS and I got some college names and applied for admission to graduate programs at a few colleges.  Within a matter of weeks, I received positive responses from Stevens Tech, Pratt Institute and some college from the mid-west.

            While waiting for the application responses, I got another interview from a company in Ahmedabad in April.  Once again I visited my cousin Aruna.  She and her husband asked if I was interested in an interview with a girl from a nice family that was their old neighbor.  Aruna’s husband Rajendra Doshi and his younger brother Mahendra were also from Kapadvanj.  (Mahendra is this the same Mahendra Doshi from my Vidyanagar college housing days who would later marry Sarla.) Their mother had passed away when they were young, so for some years they lived in Kapadvanj with their mama.  Mahendra was my classmate in the 5th and 6th standard and Rajendra was a classmate of Rajni Bhai and Indira’s.  This is how he met Aruna and then later married. Their father had started a business of electroplating brass and copper articles with chromium in Ahmedabad. When the boys moved to Ahmedabad they lived in Panjrapole (Cotton Chowl) for many years.  They were neighbors of the Patwa family and had become friends with all the brothers and sisters in the house.  This was my cousin’s connection to the Patwa family.  The circle becomes even smaller as their shop was on Gandhi Road in the Khadia district.  Mahendra Shah (your masa) used to live close by to the shop and became friends with Mahendra Doshi who used to pass by his home on the way to and from the shop.  It was in this way that he came to know Nayana Masi and they of course fell in love and got married.  I had previously met Mahendra Shah back in the days when I worked in Ahmedabad.  I met him one day when I went to visit Rajendra & Mahendra at their shop.  My immediate first impression was that he was very neat and clean and up to date.  It was very impressive.  I said yes to Aruna’s suggestion and so I met Surya Patwa.

            I met Surya at Kwality Restaurant (or maybe Havmor?) for about an hour.  Surya was accompanied by her sister Nayana and Mahendra Doshi.  Before we had our meeting Mahendra told me that Nayana was already spoken for and that I was there to meet the taller sister.  We talked for about an hour about general things like education and I made a joke with her.  Surya had studied Prakash High School where the principal was called Jettalal Master.  This was where I had taken my SSC Exam and so I knew the school and joked with her that she went to Jettalal Master’s school. (Insert side note:  Surya remembers my saying that she had long nails and that was ugly.  I do not remember making this comment.)

            In the end the job interview was not fruitful but I got another interview with a Bombay firm and was offered a job in central India close to Nagpur.  I would have to start beginning in July at which time I would have been out of a job for almost one year.

            Back in Bombay, I got a message from Ahmedabad that the Patwa family was seriously interested in me.  Jitu Bhai told Rajendra that they would like to move forward.  Rajendra in turn called my cousin Ragni  (because he had a phone) and he came and told me.  I was in a puzzle, I was not sure whether I should go to the Nagpur job or if I should go to the USA, and I was running out of money.  I was trying to get a loan from the bank and from relatives.   I was not sure if I wanted to get married just yet, before I had any income again.  Also, I had only met Surya for an hour in a restaurant in presence of Nayana and Mahendra and was not sure after such a short meeting. I would want to meet again.  I told Ragni I was interested but still unsure because of my financial situation. Because it was such an indirect communication line, Rajni said I had to say yes or no, no other discussion.  I wasn’t comfortable making such a quick decision and since yes was a binding decision, I decided to say no.  Rajni remarked that if finances were the only reason, then I should forget about it since I was sure to find a job soon.  I’m not sure, but he must have conveyed this message to the Patwa family and they said at least go for a second meeting. 

            Surya along with her mother and Jitu Bhai (her eldest brother) came to Bombay.  I picked her up at Marine Drive where she was staying at her masi’s house and we took a taxi to the famous India Tea House by Churchgate Station.  I attempted to pay the four rupees fair with a hundred rupee note and the driver did not have change so Surya had to pay for the taxi.  We met for about one and one-half hours.  My first surprise was that when we got there I found she didn’t drink tea.  We talked about family, life goals and I also warned her about my father’s nature.  We decided to get engaged at this meeting.  Afterwards, I dropped her off across the street at another restaurant where Jitu Bhai and my cousin Ragni were waiting for us.  I told Ragni that I could say yes.  First thing, Jitu Bhai wanted me to meet Ba.  So I went to Marine Drive and met Ba, Vimla Masi and Masa.  As per his custom, as soon as he heard that I said yes Kaka started telling everybody.  This made Manu Kaka feel offended because he felt that they should decide in the immediate family what to do and then only after it was final then tell other people.  I called Sula Kaki and she said to bring her to the house so that they could see her.  Our first stop was Ramesh Bhai’s house where we met Ramesh and Sushila Kaki.  After that we went to Manu Kaka’s house.  Kaka & Kaki spoke amongst themselves and as per the custom, the bride’s family comes to the bridegroom’s home for the engagement.  They realized that Borivali was too far and difficult to get to and then nowhere to sit anyway.  They told Kaka that they would do the ceremony at their place in Khar.  From the Patwa family there was Ba, Jitu Bhai, Jyanti Mama, some representatives of Vimla Masi’s house, and some others.  From the Shah family there was Manu Kaki, Sula Kaki, Sula Kaki’s parents, Ramesh Bhai, Sushila Bhabi, my father and I am not certain who else.  Jyanti Mama did the ceremony which consisted of him announcing that we were engaged and every one eating some gol.  I believe Kaki also gave Surya some gift.  The older generation picked a date that would be auspicious for us and they also determined how many people to invite.  We were to be married a few weeks later on May 28 in Ahmedabad. 

            During our engagement, I had decided to accept the Stevens Tech admission since it was closer to New York and had a program that was more suited to my requirements. Now it was time to decide between taking the job in central India or going to the States.  I asked Surya what she would prefer, Nagpur or New York.  Her answer was neither, she would prefer Bombay or Ahmedabad but if that was not a choice, then New York.  I got busy with the preparations of passport, visa, sponsorship and loans while we awaited our wedding date.

           

Jyanti Mama and Kirit Mama’s family.  This brought the number to 28 people already. We were then seven people from our own family, bringing the number to 35.  As Chandrakant was long awaiting my marriage so that he could get married to his long time sweetheart Sudha, she too was invited, and now we were 36.  I went ahead and bought tickets for 36 people.  Without telling me, my father invite about six or seven people, two people from work, Ramni Kaka, two sons of the owner of Jayant Metals, and a couple of others.  I didn’t know they were invited until they arrived at the station.  Also, without my knowledge, Kaka had told Mahendra that he was not to come to the wedding.  That it is bad luck to close the house during an auspicious time so he had to remain at home.

     

each family sits as part of the ceremony(preferably parents).  In our case, my mom had passed away and in Surya’s case her dad had passed away.  So instead, my father decided that Ramesh Bhai and Sushila Bhabi would sit for me.  In Surya’s case, her eldest brother, Jitu and his wife Kala sat for her.  After the wedding ceremony, lunch was served and then in the evening there was a reception.  After the reception most people went back to Bombay on the train.  The next morning we went in a Jeep to Kapadvanj to see Dada and Ba.  That evening we returned to Ahmedabad and went to Bombay on the train.

            Surya and I lived in Borivali for three months before I left for the States in September of 1967.  The Borivali apartment had no space and luckily a neighbor who lived upstairs had left for a larger apartment and as yet had not sold or vacated their place.  They allowed Surya and I to sleep there at night.  The months were filled with the process of getting a passport, visa, loans and certificate from Federal Reserve of India.